Just leave……I visioned myself running across the room and out of the door.
My ego was in over drive, that bitchy voice……you don’t belong here, what are you doing here.
I had arrived late to the Love Sex Desire EMBODIED Sacred Dance Party, and walked into a room full of the most stunning goddesses…all slim, young and toned.
My dancing wild woman had been knocking on my door to sacredly move through dance and music, so I knew I was divinely guided to this space.
But I felt so fat, self conscious and anxious.
I had arrived by myself and scanned the room for a familiar face.
I took my spot at the furthest corner, tucked away, hoping no one would see me.
I felt so alone.
Like being back at school when you walk into the class room, and you know no one…you hide hoping no one will notice you are there.
And you make the plan in your head on how to escape quickly…that was me..that was exactly how I felt.
Our beautiful goddess guide for the evening, Susana Frioni, stood at the front of the room.
Dressed in a red flowing jump suit with a plunging neckline…she was the embodiment of all that we were here to embrace, experience and release….love.sex.desire
My ego continued to become louder and louder.
I did all that I knew to do to quieten her, I breathed deeply and slowly through her taunts.
Having been to one of Susana’s sacred dance parties before, I knew how amazing the feeling was afterwards, so I just had to hold on until we unleashed onto the dance floor.
Although the doubt and worry that I would even be able to dance for two hours, stayed at the back of my mind like an annoying song on repeat.
We began the workshop, the prelude to unleashing our dancing shakti.
Gently we were guided through exercises to help us get the most out of our dance experience.
My ego started to become quieter.
I started to get out of my head and more into my body.
We did an exercise to shake our bodies as fast as we could. Faster, faster. For two minutes our bodies vibrated.
And then we stopped.
My whole body tingled. It felt electric. I could feel the energy coursing through every cell of my body.
I was beginning to feel ready….
The dancing was soon to begin.
I was starting to feel excited.
My body just wanted to move.
My wild woman just wanted to be free.
The lights dimmed and the music began.
We were not to move.
We were to just feel the vibration.
We were teased and tantalised with the beat of the music vibrating through the floor and up our legs,
Lighting up parts of me that were yearning to be set free.
And then at last we began.
In an instant, a still room was transformed to a bouquet of dancing goddesses,
hair, hands, bodies, sweat, tears, laughter, clapping, yelling, touching, music, ecstasy, release, freedom, love, sex and desire filled the room.
Over the course of the next 2 hours, we were taken on a journey of unexplainable magical transformation, guided by the strong, confident, nurturing and loving voice of our sensual guide.
To truly know the journey and be able to understand it, you have to experience it.
Trying to convey the experience and the evening into words does not do it justice, and I will not even try.
One part I will share with you, was to me, one of the most confronting parts of the evening – when we danced blind folded.
This triggered me to the depths of my ego.
I could feel the fear come over me, and the tears started to well in my eyes.
Susana’s words, rang so true…..how is what you are experiencing, reflected in your own life.
I tentatively started to take steps…..very cautiously and unsteady.
Feeling like I would fall, but I didn’t.
I was afraid to not being able to see….oh forbid that I bump into someone, or accidentally touch a lady’s boob or her bum.
We we each guided to find a partner, and using only touch and tuning into our bodies, to be able to sense the energy…tune into know our boundaries and our partners boundaries and take the cues of the energy being exchanged between us.
And although I was really triggered by this….I’m so grateful for the experience, as it was so illuminating, so awakening.
It helped to clearly experience and really feel how much my fear holds me back.
My fear of being alone.
My fear of doing something I’m not supposed to.
My fear of surrendering.
My fear of bumping into someone or, invading their space.
My fear of not being like or accepted.
And as we continued to dance……I found that sweet spot.
Songs came on which reminded me of my party girl years.
I felt free, ecstatic and my whole body buzzed…….just like it had back then, but now without the need for drugs or alcohol.
And after the music stopped, I felt completely transformed from when I arrived.
Sweaty and puffing, we hugged our sacred soul sisters as we slowly walked around the room.
The energy in the room had shifted.
You could see it in each others eyes.
A connection, that we now all share.
All so transformed.
I came out of that room feeling whole, complete, free.
My body felt whole.
My ego was quiet.
I felt safe, supported, and connected.
The triggering energy that has been with me for weeks, has shifted.
Like a huge clearing, cleansing, releasing, coaching, therapy and exercise session all at once.
And taking that energy into my life I am calmer, and more centered.
I’m out of my head, and have completely landed in my body.
My intuition is clearer and my creativity is flowing.
I am a better wife, mother, lover, sister and daughter because of that sacred dance party.
Through surrendering to my need to dance and move.
My need to release my wild woman through movement, is satisfied for now.
For now my wild woman sleeps, in a peaceful slumber that she has been seen, heard, felt and held…ready for the next sacred dance moment when she can be released, and embodied.
And as I move forward, I haven’t been able to get Susana, all of those gorgeous woman, and that epic dance party out of my head all weekend….I wanna do that every night…..my mind is blown, my soul is free, my wild women is peaceful, my heart is open and my body aches for more.
And so to each and every one of the women who were in that room on Friday evening I wanted to say…I love you, I honor you, I thank you from the depths of my heart and soul for showing up, for letting go, for holding space and for bringing all of you, and for making it a night I will never forget.
And now the only question that still remains is when is the next one?
Update: upcoming Dance Parties scheduled for Melbourne and Brisbane – get your tickets HERE!
Love and gratitude